Passionate Or Cute? Relationship Goals For Each Enneagram Number (2023)

The Enneagram is a personality test that identifies and describes an individual's motives and corresponding behaviors. Like most other personality exams, the Enneagram is designed to foster and promote personal growth and improvement. It seeks to help people learn more about themselves-their needs, desires, hopes, and flaws, to better themselves and create the life they hope for. The Enneagram is also useful for romance and romantic relationships, as it allows you to understand yourself: your wants, your needs, your weaknesses, and your strengths.

What Is The Enneagram?

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The Enneagram is essentially a personality test, though it differs from those you might find on sites that claim to pin down what type of handbag best describes you or what animal's essence is closest to your own. Rather than comparing you to something else or claiming that you fit into a small box, the Enneagram seeks to expand your view of yourself and demonstrate not only the aspects of yourself that you can be proud of but also those that you might not consider worthy of love, respect, or attention.

The exact origin of the Enneagram is unknown. Some sources link it to early pagan sources, while others claim it is rooted in the Judeo-Christian tradition. It enjoyed a resurgence in popularity within the past 30-40 years as a personality test embraced and endorsed by many Christian traditions, which may cite it as an effective means of identifying and working within your personality type to enhance further and improve your religious pursuits.

(Video) Enneagram Type 3 in Love or in Romantic Relationships

Romance For Ones

Enneagram ones are concerned with what is good and rightand often have a fear of being seen or perceived as wicked or in some way corrupt. Ones are often rooted in deep-seated ideas regarding relationships, relationship roles, and how relationships should play out. Although ones are often service-oriented, they are also frequently perfectionistic and can have high ideals and standards.

Ones are called "the Reformers" because they are known for their dedication to overcoming obstacles and improving anything that gets in their way. In romantic relationships, ones are more likely to be pragmatic and simple: cute may be more desirable and compelling than passionate. Although passion is important, a cute relationship is more likely to involve an Enneagram one and their partner rather than a passionate relationship.

Romance For Twos

Enneagram twos, also called "the Helper," are often best described by comparing them to the biblical figure of Martha; Martha, according to the lore, perpetually put herself in a place of service and humility and offered her home and her resources to those in need.

Similarly, in relationships, twos often seem as though they give far more than they get. This type frequently shows trust when they shouldn't and demonstrates what it means to have a servant's heart. In romance, twos will likely give a lot in the relationship and may even give more than they have. Twos may be among those more likely to be empathic, and as a consequence, may be prone to entering into unhealthy relationships. Between passionate and cute, twos will likely choose "cute," as they are concerned more with kindness and consideration and are needed, rather than focusing on outward appearances and intensity.

Romance For Threes

Enneagram threes are usually concerned with ambition and appearance. Threes are likely to be individuals who place emphasis on achievement and success and are less likely to prioritize relationships than many of the other types. An Enneagram three is nicknamed "the Achiever," as much of their energy and focus is dedicated to achievement and prestige.

As a consequence, a three in a romantic relationship is likely to value passion. Threes are concerned with image and feeling valuable and may display an elitist edge. In romance, threes may not be as concerned with companionship as they are concerned with appearances and compatibility. Because threes are often quite confident and driven, they are also likely to value a similar partner devoted to accomplishment and capable of supporting ambition.

(Video) Enneagram And Relationships

Romance For Fours

The four on the Enneagram is usually called "the Individualist" or "the Romantic." Fours gained this nickname primarily for their desire to stand out and be set apart as unique. The greatest fear of an Enneagram four is without worth or being one of the masses, which can push fours to go out of their way to appear to step outside of the norm.

In relationships, fours value passion, love, and romance. They want a romantic relationship that validates them for who they are while letting them know that they do not have to continually strive to look or feel different from other people to have value. Between passionate and cute, an Enneagram four is likely to seek out passion.

Romance For Fives

Enneagram fives value knowledge above everything else and are usually referred to as "Investigators." Fives are so named for their ability to hone in on research and develop areas of expertise through self-teaching. Fives may not value relationships as high priorities and are more likely to seek a cute relationship than a passionate one. A cute relationship is far more likely to offer simple and pragmatic ways to connect with others.

Fives are often high-strung and intense and usually function best when in relationships with people who offer a grounding, calming, and confident presence. Fives' greatest fear is being helpless or incapable, and they typically try hard to inoculate themselves against these feelings by having plenty of trivia and knowledge up their sleeve at any given moment.

Romance For Sixes

The Enneagram six is usually referred to as "the Loyalist." This Enneagram number is named for its tendency to focus on relationships. Sixes greatly value commitment and are more likely to want a passionate relationship filled with commitment and focused on longevity. Sixes fear being without loyalty and are heavily driven by relationships and relational living.

Sixes often slip into negativity and pessimism but can be uplifted by the onset of a new relationship. Sixes rely heavily upon their romantic pursuits and are often the grounding individuals within a relationship. For that reason, they are often well suited for people who are prone to dreaming and imagining, as they offer a healthy shift from living in the clouds to living and breathing down on earth.

(Video) Enneagram Type 9 (the Peacemaker) in Love or Romantic Relationships

Romance For Sevens

Enneagram sevens are also called "the Enthusiasts," known for their extroversion, enthusiasm, and optimism. Sevens fear pain and deprivation and seek to have their needs met and fulfilled. Consequently, sevens are often goal-oriented and driven and work hard to make sure they have what they need.

In relationships, sevens are needs-driven and are more likely to value passion than a cute or sweet relationship. Because their needs typically encompass companionship and emotional fulfillment, sevens heavily value romantic relationships and do not shy away from forging connections and seeking romantic relationships.

Romance For Eights

The Enneagram type eight is called "the Challenger," and for a good reason: eights value control and self-sufficiency and are often seen as aggressive or domineering for that reason. Eights fear being controlled or manipulated, whether in romantic relationships or any other type of relationship and will work hard to maintain a sense of autonomy and independence.

In romance, eights are more likely to value passion; in a cute romance, there is likely to be some semblance of interdependence, which can feel cloying and uncomfortable. In passion, though, there is a greater sense of independence and autonomy, and eights will typically chase passion before they chase the cute or sweet aspects of relationships.

Romance For Nines

The final Enneagram number, number 9, is also called "the Peacemaker." So-named for their desire to keep peace and avoid conflict, nines desire stability above everything else and deeply fear separation, conflict, and loss. This can be problematic, as is the case with nines who resort to lying and hiding to keep the peace, or it can be wonderful, as is the case in nines who cultivate high moral standards and value authenticity.

In relationships, nines are more likely to seek out a "cute" relationship, or one based on comfort, rather than a passionate relationship. This is largely because comfort offers stability and consistency, while passion runs the risk of eventually fading away and needing to be replaced. Nines, then, will be more prone to seeking out relationships that seem to be a sure thing rather than taking romantic risks.

(Video) Flirting with Each Enneagram Type!

Romance And The Enneagram

Want To Learn More About Your Own Personality?

Chat About It With A Therapist.

Although the Enneagram is not designed solely for predicting, furthering, or improving romantic relationships, it is designed to help people better understand themselves, which can help improve relationships. Knowing exactly what you need can help you adequately and safely ask for what you need in a relationship and can help improve any relationships you are in. Although it is not necessary to know your Enneagram number to have a fulfilled, successful relationship, knowing your motivation and the source of your behaviors can not only help you get what you need from your relationships but can also help you express yourself with your partner, and figure out how the two of you can better communicate and interact with one another.

The Enneagram, though it is a wonderful tool, does not take the place of therapy or any form of necessary therapeutic intervention. If you are unsure of how to interact with others, struggle to set healthy boundaries in a relationship, or are not typically able to ask for what you want and express yourself in a relationship, a therapist may be able to help you improve your communication skills, develop healthier habits, and cultivate and improve existing relationships.

(Video) Enneagram: In Relationship With Type 1


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